I think my vagina is haunted
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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