If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
