you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
