I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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