if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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