I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
