I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
