weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your penis caused this!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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