Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
