Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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