I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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