my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
