i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
