i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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