My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
