Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
