Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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