if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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