idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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