Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
