I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
