Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
