and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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