Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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