dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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