his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
