What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
