capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
