Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
