God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
