Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
