the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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