Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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