bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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