I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
