addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
