I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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