It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
