i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
