I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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