i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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