ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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