he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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