i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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