She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
