Umm I'm too high to move.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
