So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
