well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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