There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
