so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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