exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
