I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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