Having a random hookup so left but love u
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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