WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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