just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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