My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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