if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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