he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
