There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
