Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
