Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
