If i come over, it means nothing
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish there were birth control emojis
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
