Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
