I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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